For the past three weeks, I have been ITCHING. Everything itches. My head, my back, my legs, arms, chest, stomach, feet, toes, fingers. Everything.

At first, I thought it might have been a result of antibiotics or possibly all that darvocet I had been taking before and after the surgeries.

I also have been using lots of body lotion, thinking that maybe I just had dry skin. That is totally not the problem. I also have been using hydrocortisone cream. I have used Lanacane. Nothing helps the itching except scratching. Less than a minute after I scratch, it itches again. I'm sure people who see me at the store or at work think I'm a junkie or something. Or that I have lice, or scabies.

There is no rash. No redness except for the welts my fingernails cause. I don't think the itching is actually in the skin.

I know a few things about medicine. I know that some really, really serious health problems can sometimes cause intense itching.

Medline Plus tells me this:

Generalized itching may be caused by:

Childhood infections such as chicken pox or measles [no rash, definitely out]
Allergic reactions [again, no rash]
Kidney disease [DING DING DING]
Liver disease with jaundice [no yellowing of the skin or eyes, probably not]
Reactions to medications and substances [All meds I had taken, I have been off of for two weeks, so this is out]
Pregnancy [HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA]
Hepatitis [Again, liver, no]
Iron deficiency anemia [hmm, possible, but I don't think so]

The only possible connection I can come up with is the kidney problems I've had ALL FREAKING YEAR, and so of course, I can't help but try to make the connection that maybe I've damaged my kidneys enough that I can't filter out the phosphorus in my blood. (I know, boring medical stuff, but it's all I know.)

All I know is that if I do have renal failure I'm going to sue the pants off of my doctor.