I am finally recovered.

The first few days were great! Drugs! Lots of them! I felt soooo gooooood!

Somewhere between the third and fourth day post-op things took a turn for the worst.
For therein lay the unrelenting nausea. No, no vomiting to speak of. That would have been a relief from the nausea. Just nausea. And pain! Pain in the middle of the night! Pain that was safely controlled in the daytime, but when I woke up at night,omygod. I even had a dream that these "people" were sticking beaded necklaces into my stomach, one bead at a time, poking it through my stomach skin, peircing down into my kidneys. I woke up moaning. I must have been moaning long before I actually woke up because my hubby had already gotten up and retrieved "the pills." Thank god for him.

But all is well now. Well, maybe not all, but I feel muuuuuuuccchhh better. Still not eating or pooping, but muuuuuuuuuuccchhh better.

I did get to speak with my doctor last Friday- I had called the office and was told he was busy. But guess what? Like 15 minutes later he called me! The big city RE called me! He actually didn't tell me anything I didn't already report to you, sadly- except that my ovaries and uterus had been frozen with adhesions and scar tissue- stuck to my inside walls. No wonder that shit hurt. He reiterated "the plan"-- which is 6 months of Lupron then another surgery. I'm so ready to get this show on the road.

I'm happy to report today that the surgery went well.

Thank God for Scopalamine and Lortab.

I'm still dizzy and shaky, and fully bloated up with CO2. (Um, and yeah, all that stuff about referred shoulder pain? SO FUCKING TRUE)

I have three tiny incisions, not even a centimeter wide, each affixed with one tiny stitch.

To quote my mom, quoting my doctor- "She (I) was staring a hysterectomy right in the face," and, "it's one of the worst cases" he's seen.

He was successful, however, and was able to leave all my bits intact, and that, makes me fucking joyous. I'm gonna bake him a cake.

I haven't been able to speak to the doctor since the surgery, since I was (and still am) very drugged up. One can only imagine that these drugs are comparable to the ones you find out in a dark alley. So, I am to call him today. (I tried once already, but he's with a patient. Grr.)

I was given twelve pictures of my insides, all "after shots." He put in a lot of some kind of mesh to cover my bits, and that is supposed to keep the endo from attaching again. I can see some of it in the pictures. Ovaries are pretty. Except for all the burned laser marks. I have a picture up close and into one of my fallopian tubes. I think it's my favorite.

Endo removed. check.
Fibroid removed. check.

I've decided to go with the lupron. The doctor HIGHLY RECOMMENDS it. He said 6 months of lupron, then probably another surgery, then we're on our way to ttc again. I went out last night and bought two new fans for my bedroom, to help counteract all the hot flashes I'm sure to have.

I can't take a deep breath, because it hurts. My chest is really tight and my mouth is very fuckin dry. Other then that, I'm not in too much pain. I bought a really good heating pad too. It's quite helpful. Surprisingly enough, I'm in more pain today then yesterday for some reason.

Here's a list of drugs I got yesterday.
Fentanyl (comparable to morphine, before the surgery.)
Versed (again, before the surgery.)
The Anesthesia (don't know what it was.)
Two lortabs (right after I woke up in excrutiating pain.)
Three Demerol doses into my IV. (after surgery.)
Then another 6 lortabs throughout the day and evening last night.
Three lortabs so far today.

I wonder what kind of pain I'd be in without them?? I won't even go there.

My doc thinks I have a fighting chance to get pregnant after all is said and done. I'm really really happy about that. But not tooo hopeful.

I'll post an update after my doc calls and gives ME MY OWN information. (and maybe my post will be more coherent by then.)
I've reread this and realized that it's just a bunch of random shit, but my brain is very slow right now. Coherence is not possible under the influence.

Thank you all for being so supportive. I don't know where I'd be without each and every one of you in my corner. You all mean so much to me.

BIG SLOPPY KISSES ALL AROUND!

My hopes for future children and much-needed relief from pain are centered around one thing: surgery.

Thursday is the day, people. It also happens to be my kids' first day of school. I'll be 2 hours away in an alternate unconscious state when my children step into their new 3rd and 5th grade classrooms. I'm deeply saddened that I won't be able to walk my kids into school as I have every first day of school since they started. Sure, they'll be ok. They may totally be ok with it, and may never remember it. But it sucks for me, still.

On the job front, my current place of employment got wind that I was thinking of taking a full time position somewhere else, and I was given an offer. My DON and administrator scheeeeemed. They got me a raise, are changing my schedule to overnight hours starting in September, and have given me extra shifts at our sister facility (which turns out to be about a shitload of money in OVERTIME.) So, all is good, there.

I'm still waiting for a date.

I will call my wonderful new RE on CD1 and will schedule the surgery for a day between CD 8-10. I'm thinking Aug. 12 or 15th.

My DON at work (director of nursing) is leaving for vaca this Friday for two weeks. That means I have to find my own coverage for time off of work, since I don't know what date exactly or how long I'll be off. If anyone knows anything about trying to find a nurse to work for you, you will realize how much this sucks.

Another thing. I'm a research whore. I love knowledge, and my head is filled with it; expecially now. I've been staying up late to google everything ever written about endo and whether to do the lupron therapy afterwards. Most of what I've found recommends the lupron, but if you look at the sources, these are usually found on websites for "fertility centers." Right after lupron, they also recommend you have IVF or something like that, which is NOT an option for me at present. (cuz I HAVE NO MONEY- and then there's that whole "it's against my religion" nonsense.) So, I don't know whether to trust them due to ulterior motives.

Most of the research I'm actually taking as valid is what I'm reading in archives of different message boards for endo. Cuz these are the girls who know. (most of them, anyway, cuz some people are just idiots.) Did you all know that the FDA recommends only ONE 6-month cycle of Lupron for your whole life?? Do I want to play that card now, or later??? Another thing, much of what I'm reading is that right after a lap to remove the endo is when you have the best chance to conceive. Like, the first 6 months (cuz it always comes back). So, if I get the lupron, does that take away the 6 month window, or does the lupron therapy add to it? I'm having a hard time finding true, believable answers to these questions.

One alarming peice of info I found is that endometriomas in your ovaries decrease your egg quality. What if my eggs suck after this? What if I have zero chance to get pregnant anyway? What if my body is one of the ones missing the Selectin-L enzyme that is necessary for an embryo to implant? What if I'm still in pain after the surgery? What the fuck am I gonna do? When is enough enough?

What if the doc recommends a hysterectomy? I'll die. Can I sue somebody? Like my first GP who blew me off and said I had GAS? I've got your "GAS" right here buddy.